My rant today is not about my family but my son's family from the other side. It's been tough for my son. His father is in prison and has been most of my son's life. My son has had very little contact with his dad over the years. I did what I could to send the dad cards and pictures even when my son did not want me to send them. I admit, I could have been better at it but my son rarely heard from his dad. I also was raising a very energetic, active son who had ADHD that had not been diagnosed till the end of his 8th grade year.
After awhile, I just stopped. I always asked my son if he wanted to send a card to his dad. I sent the grandma birthday, Mother's Day and Christmas cards and or gifts. The grandma and great grandma were good at sending my son something for his birthdays, Christmas and sometimes the other Holidays during the year mainly Easter. The Aunt and Uncle were less consistent but they did send things here and there.
After awhile, I just stopped. I always asked my son if he wanted to send a card to his dad. I sent the grandma birthday, Mother's Day and Christmas cards and or gifts. The grandma and great grandma were good at sending my son something for his birthdays, Christmas and sometimes the other Holidays during the year mainly Easter. The Aunt and Uncle were less consistent but they did send things here and there.
There is so much to this story and it goes back to the day I announced to my son's father that I was pregnant. For now, I want to rant about a family who does not take responsibility for their poor actions, or their place in what has transpired through the years.
Last year January 2014, my son and his father started talking. My son was 17 at the time and he would not show me what his father said in the emails until after he responded. He wanted to find out information and his answers himself. Although hard, I respected that and I kept my opinions to myself unless requested otherwise. My son vented to his dad and let him know how he felt. I felt my son, being 17 at the time, handled it pretty well. After all, he has so much built up anger, disappointment, resentment and God only knows what else. The dad then sent his brother (my son's Uncle) the response that my son had sent to the dad. The brother, my son's Uncle then sent a nasty gram to my son. Again, my son did not show me the email until after he responded. He asked a couple of questions and although hard, I respected it. Why was it hard? Fear, something that I struggle with in so many situations when it comes to this family. Plus, I am his mother and I wanted to protect him from the ugliness that I had experienced so many times before.
Once my son sent the email response to the Uncle he then showed me the email. Wow! Don't people know not to bad mouth other's mothers? Guess not. Again, I felt my son handled it the best he could for being 17 and having so much built up anger and resentment. Actually, I felt he handled it better than the Uncle who is in his 50's.
Who tells their estranged nephew they have their head up their a*&. Who tells a 17 year old that his mother did a horrible job raising him? Since this falling out and there is more to it than what I have shared, I have noticed the family being even more distance than normal.
My question is how can a family just shun a kid, whether that kid turned 9 or 19 so I guess I should say young adult? How can they just ignore him? I know they blame me but I have tried to get him to contact them especially the grandma. He is 19, I cannot and will not stand over him to do it. I remind him and the rest is now up to him. When he was little, I would stand over him and made sure he did it.
When he was little, I invited them to baseball games, flag football games, some school events. I sent every invite and schedule to the grandma and sometimes to the Uncle. The Aunt is not local. The grandma came to some but never saw the Uncle at any sports games. The only time the Uncle came is my son's junior year in HS when he gave a testimony about his trip to Africa. They were good at making donations to the big events, especially the grandma.
I get that we have been through a lot but they like to bring up the past. The past is in the past and I thought we had moved beyond that. I mean do I throw back in their face when they hired private investigators to follow my son and myself, more than once? Do I mention they got a DNA test on my son behind my back and when my son told me he got a shot and I asked about it, I was told our 2 or 3 year old son was smoking crack? Meaning he lied only for it to come out as the truth. Do I mention, how they had the dad's girlfriend forge my signature? I can go on. NO I DON'T throw it back at them not until now and I only mention in this post not to them directly.
My son's birthday just took place and not one word from one of the family members but I am the one who keeps my son from them. He is right here, you have the address and you have his cell number.
It is sad. He now drives, has his own number but they will continue to blame me. You know what made them so mad? Is my son was NOT manipulated by them. I know the great grandma is looking down on them and shaking her head. She told me very sternly before she passed, "you take good care of him" and she repeated it several times. I will Nana, I will. I am glad he has a piece of you in him.
Please pray for my son's continued strength.
Once my son sent the email response to the Uncle he then showed me the email. Wow! Don't people know not to bad mouth other's mothers? Guess not. Again, I felt my son handled it the best he could for being 17 and having so much built up anger and resentment. Actually, I felt he handled it better than the Uncle who is in his 50's.
Who tells their estranged nephew they have their head up their a*&. Who tells a 17 year old that his mother did a horrible job raising him? Since this falling out and there is more to it than what I have shared, I have noticed the family being even more distance than normal.
My question is how can a family just shun a kid, whether that kid turned 9 or 19 so I guess I should say young adult? How can they just ignore him? I know they blame me but I have tried to get him to contact them especially the grandma. He is 19, I cannot and will not stand over him to do it. I remind him and the rest is now up to him. When he was little, I would stand over him and made sure he did it.
When he was little, I invited them to baseball games, flag football games, some school events. I sent every invite and schedule to the grandma and sometimes to the Uncle. The Aunt is not local. The grandma came to some but never saw the Uncle at any sports games. The only time the Uncle came is my son's junior year in HS when he gave a testimony about his trip to Africa. They were good at making donations to the big events, especially the grandma.
I get that we have been through a lot but they like to bring up the past. The past is in the past and I thought we had moved beyond that. I mean do I throw back in their face when they hired private investigators to follow my son and myself, more than once? Do I mention they got a DNA test on my son behind my back and when my son told me he got a shot and I asked about it, I was told our 2 or 3 year old son was smoking crack? Meaning he lied only for it to come out as the truth. Do I mention, how they had the dad's girlfriend forge my signature? I can go on. NO I DON'T throw it back at them not until now and I only mention in this post not to them directly.
My son's birthday just took place and not one word from one of the family members but I am the one who keeps my son from them. He is right here, you have the address and you have his cell number.
It is sad. He now drives, has his own number but they will continue to blame me. You know what made them so mad? Is my son was NOT manipulated by them. I know the great grandma is looking down on them and shaking her head. She told me very sternly before she passed, "you take good care of him" and she repeated it several times. I will Nana, I will. I am glad he has a piece of you in him.
Please pray for my son's continued strength.
